New Invisible Man/Smallville fic - Power Struggle
Seriously, I'm not drunk.

But see, I love misspamela. And she mentioned this in chat one night and I thought it was hysterical (uhm, because I have the sense of humor of a *twelve year old* at times.) And then she had all her wisdom teeth yanked out and I wrote it for her.

So! For those of you unfamiliar with Invisible Man, click here:



This is Darien Fawkes:



He is very tall and bendy and has sticky-uppy hair. And, oh yeah, a gland in his head that lets him turn invisible.

This is Bobby Hobbes:



He is short and half-bald and talks about himself in the third person.

Bobby and Darien work for a branch of the government doing things. Things which I have never seen because they are quite simply, Too Gay For Plot.

They are cute:



And in love:



The end.

(all caps snagged from sisabet's awesome IMAN picspams. She also has awesome IMan pimping picspam posts w/commentary here for those of you who would like to see more than I just showed you.)

Smallville people, I really do know Clark wouldn't be as, uhm, out in the open with his secret with strangers, but in the name of crack!fic, work with me here, ok?


Title - Power Struggle
Pairing - Bobby, Darien, Clark Kent
Summary - Bobby and Darien go to Smallville
Size - 12K

beta thanks to brooklinegirl!





Power Struggle



Of all the godforsaken places the official had ever sent them to, Bobby Hobbes had never seen a place as nauseatingly quaint as-

"Fawkes. Check the map again." Bobby jerked his head toward the crumpled map lying on the floor in the van. "What the hell is the name of this town?"

Darien sighed and leaned his head back against the seat. "Smallville, Hobbes. I checked it three times."

"Well check it again, my friend." Bobby adjusted his sunglasses with one hand and steered with the other. The road was rough and bumpy under the tires. Dust blew in front of the window and everything stunk like cow. "We have to be lost. We haven't seen a house or a sign of life in--"

"Up there," Darien interrupted.

Bobby turned his head to glare and kept driving. "Up where?"

"Up ahead." Darien put his hand on Bobby's cheek and pushed his face so he was facing forward again. "There's a whole farm and house and-"

"Cows," Bobby finished. "Bobby Hobbes does not do farming, Fawkes." Darien had known him for years. Surely he knew this by now. "These boots were made for toe-tapping and slow dancing. Not walking, no matter what Ms. Sinatra might say."

"You know, Hobbes," Darien said, shaking his head slowly. Bobby glanced at him from the corner of his eye. Darien was slouched back; his left arm spread wide across the top of their seats. His head was against the headrest, and he turned slowly, smiling at Bobby with just the corner of his mouth. "One day you might have to-"

Something fast and red zipped in front of the van. Bobby slammed on the brakes, Darien lurched forward from his seat and smacked his forehead against the dashboard, and the van's tires made the loudest, most ear-piercing screech Bobby had ever heard.

Before it just stopped - dead in the road.

"What the hell-" Bobby threw the van in park and shoved the door open. He hopped down to the pavement then ran around to the driver side. Darien all but fell from his seat onto the ground, and Bobby tried his best to hold him up.

He patted Darien's chest and back and hair, and when he was satisfied that everything was working and beating and his hair was standing as straight up as usual, he whipped his head around trying to find whatever it was that he hit.

"Fawkes." Bobby was trying to sound normal, but the truth was he had no idea what had just happened. "Did you happen to see…"

Darien rubbed his hand against his head. "Bobby, you're gonna think I'm crazy…"

Bobby snorted. "And this would be a change how?"

"But I thought I saw a kid," Darien finished. He frowned at Bobby then took a step back, running his fingers through his hair. "Just - we would see him here, right? I mean, if you killed him?"

Bobby rolled his eyes. "Okay. A, I didn't kill him. And B, even if I had we wouldn't see him, because I'd have started the van back up and we'd be fifty miles down the road already."

Darien snickered. "Right. Because you'd leave a kid smooshed in the middle of the road."

"Bobby Hobbes is a hardass, Fawkes." Bobby started walking down the road, trying to see whatever it was that he hit. "I'd be down that road so fast-"

Darien snorted. Bobby stopped walking and turned around to glare at him again. "Fine." Bobby pointed a finger at Darien's chest. "Get back in and we'll drive over to the house there, see if we can find anything out."


*

The house was big and yellow and looked like it belonged on the cover of a children's book about three little bears or a pig family. "Norman Rockwell, here we come," Bobby muttered, cutting the ignition and pushing open the van door.

Dust covered the toes of Bobby's shoes, and he tried to kick them clean but all he did was make more dust and dirt. He took a deep breathed and coughed. The country gave him hives.

"Fawkes, how about you-" Bobby looked around for Darien but he wasn't there. "Oh, great." Bobby started walking toward the front of the house, and shook his head. "Nice time for the invisible routine, partner."

A few minutes later Bobby saw Darien shimmering from the corner of his eye. He solidified, the silver cracking into tiny pieces, and the look on his face had Bobby rushing over to see if he was okay.

"Fawkes!" Bobby grabbed Darien's jacket and patted his face. Darien's mouth was hanging wide open and he was shaking his head. "Fawkes! What!"

Darien just shook his head again, his eyes wide. "Just - follow me, Hobbes."


*

Something was up with Darien. Bobby hadn't seen him this freaked since…

"Fawkes. When was the last time you were this freaked?" Bobby asked. They were rounding the corner of a red barn, and Bobby stopped walking when Darien slapped a hand against his chest.

"Hobbes, just - just look," Darien hissed.

Bobby opened his mouth to complain - since when was Fawkes in charge of this partnership? - but when he turned his head and looked where Fawkes was gawking, he felt his own mouth drop open.

It was a kid playing catch. With himself. Bobby blinked slowly then shook his head. "He's throwing the ball-"

"And then running and catching it himself," Fawkes finished for him. "And before? While you were by the car?"

Bobby pulled his attention away from the kid. "Yeah?"

Fawkes shook his head. "You see those wood posts over there?" he asked, pointing to the far side of the grass.

"Yeah?"

"He was putting them in." Darien waited until he had Bobby's full attention to add, "By hand."

"That's just - it's not possible." But sure enough, as Bobby was saying it the kid was zipping across the field faster than the human eye. "What the hell is he-"

Bobby had leaned forward to try and get a better look. The kid was wearing red, and built pretty big from what he could tell. Bobby couldn't quite see though so he stepped forward, right onto the wide end of a rake.

Darien reached out to grab the handle before it could hit him in the head. Bobby yelped and jumped to the side, knocking over a bale of hay and a bucket of eggs in the process. God, he hated the country.

"Who's there?" the kid yelled. He was squinting his eyes and looking right at them.

Bobby shot Darien a look. Darien just shrugged and made a face.

The kid walked over and Bobby took a deep breath and put on his smoothest smile. There wasn't a man alive who could resist the Bobby Hobbes' charm. Certainly not some kid in the middle of a farm in Smallville.

"The name's Bobby Hobbes," he said, sticking out a hand, "And this here is Darien Fawkes."

The kid shifted nervously and eyed them both before sticking out his hand. "Clark Kent."

Bobby took a deep breath and puffed out his chest. See, the way to do this was to be cool. Calm. Suave.

"Wow. How fast can you run?" Darien asked Clark.

Bobby closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "Slick, Fawkes. Really - really slick."

Clark's cheeks flushed pink and he stammered, "I don't run fast. I don't know what you're talking about."

For a split second the only sound was an actual cow mooing in the distance. One day, in the very near future, Bobby was going to kick Ebert's ass for letting the official send them out here.

Darien barked out a laugh and shook his head. "Kid, you're the worst liar I think I've ever seen."

The kid just blinked at them, and Bobby watched as Darien grinned and put on what Bobby thought of as his "invisible face."

"Here we go," Bobby muttered, as Bobby turned silver, shimmered, then disappeared.

Clark gawked. He stared at the space where Darien had been, then over at Bobby, then at the open space again. "Wait - did he just-"

"Invisible, yeah." Bobby rubbed a hand over his face. "All right, Fawkes," he called out. "You've made your point."

Clark narrowed his eyes. "Do you work for Jor-El?"

Bobby shrugged. Was the official's name Jor-El? He didn't think so, but-

Darien shimmered silver, solidified again, and in another second was standing next to him, grinning proudly. "Top that," he said, jutting his chin out at Clark.

Clark looked at Bobby and raised an eyebrow. "Is he serious?"

"Fawkes is sometimes real proud of his…talents," Bobby said dryly.

Darien huffed and nudged Bobby with his shoulder. "The kid thinks he's got one on me."

Bobby sighed. "Fawkes, enough."

"No, no. Wait a second." Clark stepped forward. "Well, I mean, you've already seen this, right?" With a last quick look at the house behind them, Clark zipped across the field and was back before Bobby took a full breath. He grinned at them brightly and raised his chin. "Didn't even break a sweat."

Darien grunted. "Hmpf. Well, look at this, farmboy." Bobby rolled his eyes as Darien went invisible again before popping up about twenty feet behind them, waving his hand over his head and grinning. He was nearly as tall as the tree he was standing in front of. Bobby fought the urge to hit him over the head with a branch.

"Does he do that a lot?" Clark asked Bobby, jerking his chin to where Darien was standing. Darien saw them looking and waved.

"Far too often, my friend," Bobby sighed.

Clark chuckled. "Oh, yeah?" Well how about this!" he called out. Darien came strolling over as Clark squinted off into the distance. Before Bobby knew it the scarecrow at the far side of the field burst into flames.

"Ha." Clark turned around and beamed. "Fire," he said, happily, pointing to his face. "From my eyes."

Bobby covered his laugh by coughing into his hand. Darien glared at Bobby before turning back to Clark. "Oh yeah?" Darien challenged. "Well--"

"Well what?" Bobby interrupted. He poked Darien's shoulder with a finger. "What are you going to do now, Fawkes?"

Darien frowned. "Watch."

He disappeared, and this time when he came back he was behind Clark. "See? Invisible."

Bobby blinked, then turned to look at Clark. "So was that you? In the street back there?" Maybe if he ignored Fawkes he'd stop acting like the invisible moron.

Clark nodded. "Yeah. The ball got loose, you see-"

"Uhm, hello," Darien interrupted. "Invisible here - watch!" He disappeared again.

"So you can, what, run really fast and stop cars?" Bobby asked Clark.

Darien popped up inside the barn. "Did you see that?" he called out. "I'm in the barn now!"

"Among other things," Clark continued. "I can hear really well and have x-ray vision," he said, ticking them off on his fingers.

"I'm doing it again! Check it out - invisible!"

"No shit." Bobby crossed his arms over his chest and nodded. Clark smiled as they both ignored Darien. "X-ray vision, huh?"

Clark grinned. "Yep."

"That must come in real handy sometimes." Bobby shivered. Imagine what he could do with that! What a waste for some kid in Kansas to have x-ray vision. There weren't even any really hot women here from what he could see.

"I'm here again!" Darien called from behind the car.

"What else?" Bobby asked, jerking his chin up.

Clark seemed to think about it. "I've jumped really high but only a few times. It's not really perfected yet."

"Yes, but are you invisible?" Darien asked, striding angrily towards them.

"Uhm, no sir," Clark said. He sounded serious but it looked to Bobby like he was biting the inside of his cheek to keep from smiling. "Invisibility - that's very cool. And totally your thing."

Darien shot Bobby a look. "Ha," he said confidently. "See?"

"Well, now, Fawkes." Bobby held his hands palms up. "I can see that this town isn't big enough for the both of you." Darien smiled smugly. Bobby waved at Clark. "It was nice meeting you. Make sure to use that x-ray power only for good, if you know what I'm saying," he added with a wink.

Clark lifted a hand in a wave. "Yeah, okay. You guys take care." In a split second he was gone.

Bobby waited to see if he could spot him again, but when he couldn't he turned around and started heading toward the van. "Nice kid."

Darien scoffed. "Sure. I guess."

Bobby chuckled to himself and slung an arm around Darien's shoulders. "It's sad, though."

"What is?" Darien asked, looking at him warily.

"Oh, I don't know," Bobby said, shrugging. "All those things he can do but still, nothing as cool as you being invisible."

"No, you're right about that, Hobbes." Darien stood a little straighter and puffed his chest out. He turned his head and gave Bobby a brilliant smile, and Bobby just patted his back and let him lead the way.


*